Following the weekend disturbances in several French cities, the Ministry for Interior Coherence has opened a national consultation on the question of causation. Respondents will be asked to indicate whether the croissant or the baguette is primarily responsible for the unrest, or whether the matter is better attributed to ‘pastry-adjacent factors’.
Initial figures from the Office of Civic Breakfast show a sharp divergence along regional lines. Northern districts expressed a preference for the croissant, which the Office describes as ‘layered in ways that resist consensus.’ Southern districts, where the baguette is held in higher regard, were found to be more deeply aggrieved. The Office notes that this grievance was submitted in bread form and has been logged accordingly.
The Ministry has advised that the referendum does not constitute a determination of fault. It constitutes a determination that fault will be discussed. A working group has been established to define the term ‘flaky’ for legal purposes. Its first meeting was held at a bakery and adjourned when the working group ran out of croissants.
Residents are reminded that the curfew applying to persons carrying bread after dark remains in force pending review. Any persons reclassified as ‘buttery’ in police records are asked to report to their local mairie, where they will be transitioned to an appropriate category. Results will be published in due course, provided they can be agreed upon before the markets close.