Microsoft offered buyouts to 60,000 workers this week. Profits soared days later. The company’s messaging sounded like a holiday card that had been run through a spreadsheet.
The announcement talked about efficiency, focus, and an exciting next chapter. It did not explain which chapter has room for the 60,000 people who are no longer in the building.
Is this cruelty? Technically it’s a buyout. Technically.
Shareholders are thrilled. The stock reacted the way stock reacts when payroll goes down and the quarterly number goes up. Nobody in the investor call asked what the 60,000 were doing on Tuesday.
The corporate tone stayed relentlessly cheerful throughout. Smiling logos, bright blue gradients, and the word “opportunity” appeared more often than the word “layoff,” which appeared never, because it has been replaced by a phrase that sounds like a yoga retreat.
The karaoke machine is still in the lobby. Profits are up. The song list has not been released.