Iran’s World Cup coach Amir Ghalenoei has had enough. Not of football—of the unfair treatment allegedly dished out by the United States. In a stunning diplomatic pivot that caught everyone off guard, Iran has now proposed a revolutionary international treaty: if everyone gets pizza, nobody complains about refereeing decisions.
The logic is airtight. Think about it. When was the last time you argued over a handball call while eating a really good margherita? Exactly. Never happened.
Ghalenoei’s proposal, formally titled “The Pepperoni Accord,” stipulates that all future international sporting events must include equitable pizza distribution for both teams, coaching staff, and—this is key—the referee. The treaty also specifies that toppings cannot be weaponized as a form of psychological warfare, though Iran reserves the right to bring their own za’atar-dusted pies if they feel marginalized.
The USA has not yet responded, though sources suggest they are consulting their trade lawyers about whether pizza diplomacy violates existing commerce agreements. Meanwhile, Italy is cautiously optimistic about the proposal, having spent centuries proving that pizza solves most problems.
Football’s governing bodies are reportedly intrigued. After all, if feeding everyone eliminates complaints, the savings on VAR technology alone could fund a thousand pizzerias. It’s either the dumbest idea ever or the smartest one nobody thought of first.