All the news that isn't fit to print. Printed anyway.
World
In Shocking Turn of Events, Brazil Elects Lula as Supreme Leader of Planet Earth — Flávio Bolsonaro Declares Himself Ruler of the Moon
PM Proposes EU Free Movement Referendum, Citizens Wonder if Their Vote Comes with Free Chips
PM Claims Gogglebox Appearance 'Essential' for Understanding 'Real People,' Says Critics Just 'Envious of His Sofa Skills'
Reform UK Installs State-of-the-Art Vetting Procedures, Which Only Exclude Candidates Who Can Tie Their Own Shoes
Elon Musk's Mega-Merger: Why Combining SpaceX and Tesla is the New Frontier in Business Absurdity
AI Discovers the Ultimate PHP Flaw: Global Panic Ensues as Websites Gone Wild
Uber Celebrates Legal Win By Unveiling New 'Too Late' Feature for Complainants
Glee Returns: Because Who Needs New Ideas When You Can Just Relive This Awkward High School Experience?
