Labour women have demanded that any future Burnham government achieve gender parity across all ministerial positions. This is excellent news for governance, diversity, and also apparently for necromancy, since the implementation plan requires resurrecting Joan of Arc to run the operation.
The proposal itself is sensible. Half the population, half the cabinet. Basic math. But somewhere between the motion and the press release, someone’s brain short-circuited and decided that 50% female representation wasn’t ambitious enough without adding a fictional oversight committee.
According to leaked internal documents, the council will include Eleanor Roosevelt (Foreign Secretary advisor), Cleopatra (Treasury consultant), and Marie Curie (Science advisor, naturally). They will meet quarterly in a specially consecrated room at Westminster to make all major decisions via unanimous vote, meaning nothing will ever happen again, which is arguably an improvement.
When asked how a committee of dead people would actually participate in government, a Labour spokesperson said they were “exploring innovative solutions around temporal and biological constraints.” The budget for this project has not been disclosed, but preliminary estimates suggest £40 million for the summoning circle alone.
Burnham’s office has not commented. His silence is being interpreted as either cautious acceptance or the sound of someone deleting emails very quickly.