Andy Burnham has discovered the solution to Britain’s healthcare collapse, crumbling infrastructure, and wage stagnation: an international agreement about an island nobody here lives on or votes about.
The Manchester mayor praised the Greenland deal ahead of his expected first meeting with Trump, apparently under the impression that trade arrangements with Arctic territories function as a substitute for actual domestic policy. The agreement exists. It is real. It will change precisely nothing about whether your GP appointment happens in three weeks or three months.
Ed Davey, playing the role of adult in the room, called it a “pretend” victory—which is generous. A pretend victory implies someone won something. What actually happened is two politicians shook hands over a piece of paper that affects Greenlanders, not constituents in Bolton or Stockport who are currently choosing between heating and eating.
The timing is exquisite. While the NHS waits for actual funding decisions and local councils debate which services to cut next quarter, Burnham is out here celebrating Arctic geopolitics like it’s a substitute for solving the problems people elected him to address.
Trump will probably claim he invented Greenland by next week. Burnham will claim the deal somehow created jobs. Neither claim will be true. Both will be repeated confidently on morning television by people who have never been to Greenland and never will be.
This is what passes for victory in modern politics: announcing irrelevant international agreements while domestic crises metastasize in plain sight.