The United Kingdom, which left the European Union in 2020 and has spent the years since loitering near the punch bowl, was seen at the edge of the dance floor this week, swaying to a song it had clearly requested itself. When the tempo changed, it made its move. The room, by most accounts, began to thin out.
French finance minister Roland Lescure, approached by the BBC, held the microphone with the weary calm of a man who has seen this before. “Come all the way back,” he said. He added that being in the bloc lets members tackle the world’s challenges together, which the UK heard as a plea and the rest of the room heard as a cue to refill their drinks.
Witnesses described the UK’s approach as a lot of wistful hand gestures and one long, unbroken sigh about trade deals. At one point it reportedly texted the EU at 2am asking whether it still had the good cardigan. The EU has not replied, but it did change its status to ‘Do Not Disturb’ and is said to be considering a new profile photo of itself laughing with a Norwegian.
Economists note that reconciliation would cost roughly as much as the original divorce, which is the single most relatable detail in this entire story. For now, the UK remains by the punch bowl, still humming the chorus, waiting for someone to notice it came all the way back to the wrong party.