The wedding happened. Millions of people watched it happen. Millions more watched people watch it happen. By the time the cake was cut, TikTok had already declared it the most important event in human history since the invention of the selfie.
Here’s what actually occurred: two famous people got married. This is a thing that happens approximately 2.5 million times per year in the United States alone. But this time, it mattered, because it was indexed, hashtagged, and algorithmically distributed to people who had no connection to either party and yet felt personally invested in the outcome.
The real story isn’t the wedding. It’s that we’ve collectively agreed to outsource our emotional responses to whatever the algorithm decides is trending. A couple’s private commitment ceremony became public property the moment someone posted a photo. Then another. Then a TikTok. Then a think piece. Then a counter-think piece arguing that the first think piece was actually the real problem.
Social media didn’t just cover this wedding—it became the wedding. The actual vows were secondary to the spectacle of watching strangers have feelings about the vows. Engagement metrics replaced genuine human connection as the measure of success. A marriage license now competes with view counts.
The internet didn’t break because of this wedding. It broke because we all showed up to watch it break and then immediately posted about the experience. That’s the absurdity worth noting.